This morning I had a third dream in a series in which I suddenly realize I am missing several credits I need to graduate from college. In each of these dreams, I feel the same panic, followed by a scramble to think of ways I can pull it off (can I write a big research paper? attend summer school?), followed by a resignation that it's hopeless; I screwed up and am just not ready.
Hmmmmm. Anxiety about not being prepared for a kid, perhaps?
I'm getting rather poofy.
I know, I know. I haven't posted in a long time. But though there are occasionally some thrilling moments, much of pregnancy is extremely boring... waiting, waiting, a little worrying, more waiting.
Well, this week marked one of the most exciting moments so far, up there with hearing baby's heartbeat and seeing baby on the ultrasound. This week I felt the baby moving (also known, ominously, as "The QUICKENING") for the first time, so much and so regularly that I KNOW it was baby. At first I doubted because it didn't feel the way other people described it -- like holding a butterfly in your hand or like popcorn popping. For me it has felt like a slight muscle twitch, like those occasional "eye spasms" you get. What finally convinced me was the regularity; I usually feel it most strongly about a half-hour after a meal for about 15 minutes (or after an OJ in the morning; baby goes crazy for OJ!). And each day it becomes more predictable and stronger. It's really reassuring after months of feeling baby only in the abstract.
Next big milestone: we find out the sex on October 6. I can't wait.
Good news from the doctor today: our little one has all its hands and feet, both hemispheres of the brain, and seems to have the normal amount of nuchal translucence, which is a way of assessing potential risk for Down Syndrome. And the little bugger's about 6 cm in length. So far, so good.
The little thing slept most of the time, except for when the lab tech shook it up to get a better look at the hands and feet. It stretched at one point as if to say "Why are you WAKING me UP?" and promptly went back to sucking its thumb. It was amazing to see the heart beating a blur on the ultrasound.
The pics are still pretty fuzzy, but if you look closely I think it has Jennifer's smile.
Feb. 23 seems closer and closer every day.
...is purgatory.
Cue the riff, 'cause week 10 has been a revelation: yes, I still am in here, and yes, I'm still sorta fun--even without beer! I was beginning to wonder if being pregnant completely saps the life out of one forever, readying people for their upcoming roles as Mom Zombies.
Anyway, I've gone out three times in the evening this week--once to a play, once to a movie preview (here's to you, RDJ in blackface), and once to an art opening, so I'm feeling mostly back in the rhythm of the city.
My pregnancy revelation for the week is this: people express a certain awe toward, or maybe mortal terror of, preg women. Last night at the art show (congrats, Tom!) I saw some former CTVers I hadn't seen since the up-knocking. At one point, I was just talking (some might say "goofily monologuing" as I frequently do), when I noticed that everyone in the group was staring at me in this very bizarre and focused way, not with the lightly amused tolerance I usually get... "Hey, the pregnant lady's DOING something!" I took two steps back and said, "Whoa, everybody... you guys are freaking me out!" Everybody laughed, so I can only assume they were aware of it, too. Now I'm looking back and remembering maybe doing the same thing with my pregnant friends (hey, Michelle!).
It's so quick and steady. So exciting. Every time I think about it, I start to cry a little. Something about hearing is more primal than seeing. Wow. That's all I can say.
